i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
