if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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