hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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