I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
