loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
