Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
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I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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