whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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