Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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