is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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