Cold hands, warm shart.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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