You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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