Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
