That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
