apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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