You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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