You just made me feel so damn special
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
