U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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