just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
