if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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