do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
