he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
