I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
