Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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