cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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