My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize