I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
