duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize