Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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