somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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