I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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