I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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