so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
