32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
