smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
