She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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