He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
