No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
