i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
