He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
