just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I can text with my tongue
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize