...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk is a universal language darling
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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