Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
