dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
