I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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