Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
