There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
