i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize