i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
