why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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