how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?