you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize