well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
