Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
