winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize