I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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