It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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