This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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