I want to walk on stilts...naked
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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